AFTER THE (1st) WAVE
Expectedly, the climate at work has remained gloomy after the "1st wave". Several of our friends left. Some of them were happy, a few of them were shocked (as were we), and that is an understatement. A few managed to say their goodbyes, while others left quietly. As if dealing with the emotional trauma is not enough, their sudden departure serves but as a painful reminder of a universal truth that many of us has tried to evade. There is no such thing as job security, and no one is spared.
I’ve told my family after a couple of weeks about the situation at work. I didn’t want them to worry with news coming out all over. In the back of my mind, I also wanted to be assured that they will be there to support me, whatever the outcome of all of this will be. How silly of me, really. Even without me telling them, I know that they always have my back, no matter what.
I’ve told a few of my friends after that. And just yesterday, I opened it up to a wider audience - my high school friends. And today, well, anyone who reads my blog here and who isn’t aware yet, will also know.
Know what, exactly? That I’m going through some serious personal reflections through all this. My boat has been rocked very hard, and it was really scary at first. After all, I’ve known this life for almost a decade now, and leaving it, can throw you into an emotional chaos. But I’m past that phase now. If anything, what’s happening has done more good than damage. For one, I’m into one of my most creative modes ever. Plotting out options, formulating game plans and what not. Second, I realized that there is no such thing as the "unknown". Our fate lies in our hands. What happens to us is all up to us, really. Third, I’m not afraid to go back home now. I know now that a simple life is what I wanted all along. Even if it means giving up the comforts and independence that I’ve known/lived the past few years. Looking around, I know people can live on so much less. Why can’t I? Why shouldn’t I? Fourth, I will never back down without a fight. I was never one who let fate dictate my life, and now is not the time to cower in fear. Yes, I will probably have no choice if all of a sudden I’m left without a job, but even then, I can go in my own terms. Fifth, I have started to give up some things and I’m surprised to find that I’m ok with it. It’s not the end of the world and I can always reconsider these things I’ve given up, when things are better.
True, (more) changes are bound to happen… But change is not bad. Having been living a nomadic life, change has in fact been my friend, for the most part.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I’ve been living a lie. And I realized what really scares me is waking up one day, after a comfortable sleep, induced by the trappings of success, suddenly realizing I didn’t live my life to its full potential. Thanks to the 1st wave, I’ve finally woken up.
